Halloween can be a tough time of year with all the monsters, ghouls and goblins out. How do you survive an encounter with one of these creatures of the night? Here are a few tips to handle yourself so you can survive the night and live to tell about it. Let’s tackle one of the common denizens of the night – Vampires.
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1. This is admittedly gross, but save some blood from chicken or other meat and carry it in a well-sealed sandwich bag. Why? Well, vampires are out for blood – literally – and since they’ve been taking a dirt-nap for who knows how long they can be rather “hangry”. Offer them a little “harmless” snack and you may get to the next tip…
2. Since vampires are not mindless, once you get past that “hangry” edge you can start talking. Many of these vampires have been around the block so a little polite negotiation might be better than a confrontation you likely can’t win. Start by letting them know that it’s just wrong to look at people as food. Offer some high SPF sun block so they can get out a little more. And while your at it, offer them regular rides to the blood bank
3. Negotiations may not go well so stay prepared. Invest in a spear-gun with which you can use – you guessed it – a wooden spear to end the threat. This is a one-shot deal so try negotiations first and remember to make that shot count if all else fails. Think close – I mean very close – range if you must use it. If you go with this or any other weapon, make sure you know what your doing. This guy is well-prepared to fight off most anything due to all this amazing practice:
Come to think of it, you may want him along!
4. However, if the negotiations go well, you might consider further steps to help your new-found “friend”. Work as an advocate for this class of the undead by helping them start a support group in your community. Write your member of Congress, urging them to fund more research into curing vampirism. I could see some break-through on this that leads to treatments like Suboxone. Hmmm, come to think of it, Congress may not be the right step since they already suck the life-blood out of us with taxes.
So there you go with some outside the box thinking on dealing with a menacing Halloween creature. What are your best tactics? How would you stop a hungry vampire – or tax-happy member of Congress? Here’s to a happy – and vampire-free – Halloween! And remember, this is all tongue in cheek conversation…
Please share your thoughts and ideas in the comments section.
About the Author
P. H. Solomon lives in the greater Birmingham, AL area where he strongly dislikes yard work and sanding the deck rail. However, he performs these duties to maintain a nice home for his loved ones as well as the family’s German Shepherds. In his spare time, P. H. rides herd as a Computer Whisperer on large computers called servers (harmonica not required). Additionally, he enjoys reading, running, most sports and fantasy football. Having a degree in Anthropology, he also has a wide array of more “serious” interests in addition to working regularly to hone his writing. The Bow of Destiny is his first novel-length title with more soon to come.
Reblogged this on J Barron Owens and commented:
Here is a short, fun read on how to deal with vampires should you run across one this Halloween! There is also a cute Kung Fu bear video that is unbelievable.
Thanks for the reblog! Glad you enjoyed the post.
Reblogged this on Crazy Little Redneck Goth.
Thanks for the reblog!
This was fun. Good to see you back.
Glad you liked it. It’s a good sign to start thinking about the blog again.