Today, I’m continuing the Halloween Scary Moments theme with a bit more fictional list. Being an author, my creative mind shrieks warnings at times about avoiding a zombie apocalypse. See if you agree with these situations to stay away from.
Just in case you think it can’t happen, check out this older post about why a zombie apocalypse could happen. Toxoplasmosis is my favorite on the list (and I love my cat!). Now for the list:
- Any fast food drive thru – I think this one all the time. Bad place to be, no place to go with that protection. Solution: windows up, unless you’re Merle from Walking Dead, then you need loud music and a fifth of whiskey to share around. You don’t need the food in that situation. Just jump curb, do what you gotta do to get away.
- A traffic jam – see my post from yesterday and Snowpocalypse. Snow-walking dead. Or just a wonderful late afternoon in summer where things turn rough. The road shoulder suddenly becomes a premium. Run for it? Solution, keep a folding bike in your trunk… That might be a bit much, I just avoid traffic jams like it’s a zombie apocalypse.
- In the middle of an MRI or CAT scan – the last few of these I had, my last thought going into the claustrophobic tube (they really don’t bother me except the clanking that keeps me awake) is: I hope the zombie apocalypse doesn’t happen while I’m in here.
- In a basement or crawlspace – Remember Darryl in the basement room of the mortuary? Only a gurney between him and a mob of zombies? You get the picture. Incidentally, Darryl is the man when it comes to fighting zombies. Merle would be, but he had a death wish and couldn’t play well with others enough to survive.
- In an underground tunnel – See the traffic jam above, but worse. You can’t run from the road. Tunnels from buildings? Even worse. Really nowhere to go. Subways? Don’t get me started.
- In a church or theatre balcony – One title: 28 Days Later. Main character, Jim, finds himself in a church balcony with one incoming and a building full below him. The bag of drinks was illustrative and makes it onto my list of survival weapons. Running is a premium as this scene shows (it’s at this point you know things are on in this movie).
- A dark room with lots of entry points and noises nearby – 28 Days Later works. You go to bed staring at doors and windows. Seriously, you want to find a secure position that defensible and has food. A bunker is also premium. Anybody got a good one you’re willing to share? BTW, if your dog runs into one like I Am Legend, it’s foreshadowing. The dog will soon be a zombie coming after you, just bug out rather than go into the lair.
- Revolving door – Walking Dead episode. Hilariously creepy. I’ll never look at a revolving door the same. Zombies to the left, zombies to the right. Stuck in the middle. That’s when you want body armor and the ability to run like a fullback (a la Glenn escaping form the prison on his own in Walking Dead).
- A cruise ship – Just no. I’ve been on one, but ugh, what a place to be. The only worse place is a basement mortuary behind a gurney or a revolving door. If you find yourself in a zombie apocalypse in one of those 3 spots, you might re-think your life – or resign yourself to a stumbling, shuffling afterlife.
- Huge dance party on the roof of a building – It can be defensible, but not if the SHTF in a crowd of people. This is worse than a train station in a panic. Somebody’s going off the side… Just not a good place at all.
- Surgery – Yikes. Don’t go there. You have no chance. Think cheerful thoughts before going under. The same goes for a colonoscopy.
- Dentist chair – Better, but sometimes it feels like I’ve been through a zombie event when it’s over.
- A restroom – See the revolving door, basement, dark room. Really, a crowded restroom at a sports bar is bad enough with handsy drunks trying to pick your pocket. When they become zombies trying to take a bite, that’s the end of enjoying the football game and life becomes a weird form of it. It’s then you go offensive lineman and throw some pancake blocks – nothing fancy, just be the pulling guard and truck everything in your way.
- An airplane – I’m sorry I thought of this one. Protect the pilot at all costs.
- A high bridge – See the one about the restroom and the building dance party. You don’t want to be in that traffic jam. At least with Gallopin’ Gertie there was a chance to escape.
So there you have it. That’s tongue-in-cheek. Laugh a little at the dark humor and stop taking life so seriously. We’ve got enough to worry about. Just enjoy the Halloween fun and move on. Personally, the news is scary enough. I stopped watching it at all and I’m much happier for it.
Tell me your worst zombie apocalypse nightmare in the comments. Please share this if you liked it. That’s about it for Scary Moments this week. Also, what are your favorite zombies? Slow, fast, smart?
