Have you met Todug from The Bow of Hart Saga?
Speaking for all dwarves, thank you for the opportunity. I’ve got fresh braids in my beard just for this occasion. I thought I’d bring along some miners to regale you with a few songs we sing deep in the caverns, but PH said, well, you read it. Killjoy… Er, anyway, I’m here today with a few minutes to share the latest from PH, if he needs any more public attention.
Just kidding.
We’re all appreciative of the jobs he’s provided us in his books. Speaking of books and dwarves, I thought I’d give you a taste of what it’s like starring in a fantasy book. There are any number of skills a character needs, especially in one of these epics – and dwarves just love epic stories, battles, hunts, you name it! Anything that’s going to go big, we’re game for the action. Uh, where was I? Oh yes, skills. Makwi has all the skills lectures down more than me. I spend more time making decisions and such. But one thing every dwarf needs to know in Denaria is his trolls. You might think this is an easy affair, but all trolls are dangerous, sneaky, and sly. The skill is recognizing them in the dark, or near enough, and knowing how to defend yourself against big ones and little ‘uns. I was going to bring a few to spar with today, but PH nixed that right off, something about saving it for the books. Anyway, tracking trolls is a great skill, not to mention fighting them. You have to keep your wits when they come screeching at you out of nowhere, especially in the night. Some of you might remember that one where the trees caught on fire. Heh-heh-heh. That was a good fight. Limbreth fought like an axe-maid then, she just didn’t know what she had in her.
When it comes to trolls, there are lesser ones and greater ones. The lesser ones are your kobolds and goblins. The greater ones include bugbears and ogres. I don’t know why they’re called bugbears since they have snouts and tusks, nothing like bugs if you ask me. Anyway, some say the little ‘uns are bad when they come in numbers like a bunch of swarming, well, bugs. They are nasty and track well. Others say it’s the bugbears or ogres that are the worst. But they have slow wind-ups and you can charge in and hack ’em on the legs like chopping trees. Bring a few friends and they go down fast enough all squealing after all the roaring they do. Now the worst ones for my money are them snake-face hobgoblins. I don’t know how many wear hobs or whatever, but even their eyes look like snake eyes. No, not like dice, real snake-eyes. Why are they so bad? They move as fast as a striking snake. Some say they are of lesser variety and some the greater. I say they are just annoying and you better have the skills to keep up your guard or eat some rusty steel. Fortunately, they rely on that first strike. They don’t like a brawl, so getting close makes ’em nervous faster than they strike. This is where close-quarters axe work comes into play. You stay on the balls of your feet and keep moving, block with the haft, stab down at the knees with the end spike, then up with the head spike, then back cut with the small blade, then… Eh?
What’s that PH?
Oh yeah, I’m getting a little too rowdy. Between you and me, I still say bringing a few along would have been a good visual. Anyway, we gotta move on. Where’s that card that tells me what’s next. Ah yes, here we go. The quote of the month. Should have brought my glasses. Hey, PH, next time use large print. I’m not getting any younger!
Don’t tell anybody I said that.